Thursday, September 21, 2006

60 minutes of pure crap on TV(grey's anatomy ;) ), laundry and an unused videophone

As I was loading my laundry into the communal washing machines here at my apartment building, I flashed back to the most humbling moment of my life. It didn't have anything to do with football as may be expected from competing against superior athletes and always getting knocked down by 300 pound behemoths. My most humbling moment was a lot more personal than football. It rocked me down to my core, caused me to lose a lot of my confidence and shook up everything that I perceived about myself.

Now growing up I always thought there was one sign language, not American Sign Language, not Signing Exact English not even foreign countries' sign language. I just thought the sign language that I used was my own language and everyone that knew sign used it. That perception became more stronger as I crossed back into my own school district and started school in an all-hearing school where I continued to think that there was still only one type of sign language, mine.

going into high school that perception changed when I tried to take French as a foreign language for my foreign language requirement to graduate high school. I dropped it after the first day of classes cuz the interpreter and I couldn't keep up with everything that was going on. So a decision was made. My interpreter would teach me American Sign Language as a foreign language for my graduation requirement.

It wasn't that hard of a step for me, I was able to understand what was being signed but the most difficult part was signing everything correctly and in their proper syntax. Just like a foreign language only you need to sign everything in their right order. I was just 15 or so at the time but little did I know that ASL was making me the person I am now. So with what I learned with those classes, I came away from high school with a unfounded confidence that I knew ASL and that would only build.

Shortly after high school, I began college. I had the opportunity to meet several deaf students that went there. It wasn't a tight-knit deaf community at the university of Findlay but I got by ok because I was used to the hearing world. I had a chance to get to know several students at findlay through another person that I met during the first weekend that knew sign language. So I sorta had a little circle of friends through that person. Everyone was sorta learning some sign language. It wasn't any different from what I went through during junior high and high school. Everyone was sorta learning sign language but not fully. I could appreciate the fact they made the effort.

As the years went by, I took an ASL class my freshman year, stayed involved with the ASL club which had basically dwindled to nothing because it became stagnant but I stayed involved because it gave me something to belong to socially. I thought I was the shit when I was involved in this group but I didn't like any of the responsibilities that came from being involved. I was at some point the vice president or the treasurer over my years with the club and I wasn't much of either in my responsibilities. But regardless it built up my skills in ASL.

During my senior year at Findlay, I took and "audited" a class because I didn't want to worry about any homework responsibilities. But that class was a 1 or 2 credit hour class and it involved going to several different elementary schools in the town of findlay and teaching several choice classes of kids sign language. It was a lot of fun and one of my most rewarding experiences of my life. I have never been comfortable around children that I didn't know especially large groups of them. However they seemed very interested in me and learning "to talk with their hands."

I took all of these experiences back with me when I moved back home after I graduated from the university of findlay. I had a lot to build on. Yet I was unable to find a decent jobs or get any interviews. I felt extremely unqualified. This went on for over a year. Until I finally got a job that I thought would catapult me into the professional life, I was sadly mistaken. This job gave me a chance to be a case manager at a deaf resource center in a slightly small city. It wasn't what I expected. I drove a hour and 15 minutes to get to this job two times a week. However In my dealings at my job I had the chance to meet several disadvantaged deaf people and learned a lot from them. Then through this job I learned of the Ohio Association for the Deaf conference that happened biennially.

It is a very educative workshop that informed us of plenty of resources that are available to the deaf population. But also it was the site of "Miss Deaf Ohio 2005." I had a chance to get to know several of these girls. Well actually I got to talk to all of the contestants since there were only 3 of them. I spent most of the weekend getting to know the people involved with OAD's conference and not only the contestants but the people behind the pageant. We got to hang out socially in between activities and also I got to hang out with some of these people late at night both nights that I was there.

The night I'll remember the most is my last night at the conference. It had basically wrapped up and I was just spending the night there before heading home. I was glad I did even though there was nothing to stay for the next day. I got to stay up late chatting with several of the people that attended the conference and some of them were the pageant contestants and former contestants. We had stayed up chatting about everything. I had a chance to show that I really enjoyed my time there and I really did.

As I was talking about a various topic, most likely deaf culture or sign language I cannot remember but the reaction to me was this, someone told me to "turn my voice switch off." Its a deaf thing where you gesture to turning a switch on your tongue to mimic turning off your voice because I was really signing and using my voice at the same time, which I'm sure was annoying some of these people who are heavily involved with the deaf culture. It caught me off guard and I was speechless. She had said it was ok but it wasn't necessary for me to use my voice since everyone there was deaf. It was an habit, I explained but I realized it wasn't necessary for me to really use my voice though.

So as I stammered in trying to explain myself, an older member of the group we were conversing in stepped in and explained that it was ok. But she did notice some things about me as the weekend went on. She understood that I hadn't really been involved much with any aspect of the deaf community except when I was in elementary school with other deaf students. It was more an issue of how I was behaving around these girls. I admit I was kind of lingering around them a lot over the weekend. I didn't know that it was that noticeable. My explanation for this was that I was so excited to be hanging out around peers of my age and also that they were very pretty girls so there was some flirting involved so naturally I as a guy with no communication barriers couldn't resist.

But her exact quotes were "you're trying too hard."

That really surprised me still. Someone had the audacity to be that blunt and tell me something undesirable about myself. But she was honest with me, and I appreciated that. I might have not been able to see that about myself if not for that experience but when I got involved with the deaf community I have to be respectful of the language and culture and not try to get involved every which way that I can. No matter what a group or culture does, it isn't necessary for it to sway as I sway, nor should it happen at all.

Looking back on this experience, I took the chance and really improved myself and tried to surround myself with the deaf culture as much as I could possibly do. The difference was I was the student and not the expert. I got involved with the Kent state ASL club and the Deaf/ASL culture there and I'm glad I did. This was the basis of the honing of my ASL experience. I was able to meet with several of these people for various activities at least once a week and I had never been happier socially.

This experience I had at the deaf conference led to me being a better rounded person and gave me the humbling experience I needed to become better at ASL. From this was a springboard to being able to Teach the beautiful language at the University of Akron, from which I am grateful for.

In my honest opinion, I don't think you can truly know American Sign Language until you understand the culture behind it. This language isn't just a word for every sign. The language involves signing concepts and actions, it is painting a picture and turning it into a movie. That is exactly what you do with your body when you are fluent in American Sign Language, you're able to describe the most emotional moments with every heartbreaking detail or the most exciting action movie ever created can be just as exciting when described in American sign language. It truly is a language of its own which I hope everyone around me and the world over can start to appreciate.

It wasn't until my humbling experience that I started to see ASL for what it really was. Even as I type this, I know that I have more to learn about this language and more to learn about the deaf culture. I hope that in my future adventures that I can make this a reality for myself and many others.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

a cold bottle of water, a used napkin and a pillow on the floor

Thought I'd get some questions started with some that I usually get from the random people i meet as i go about my life.

"Were you born deaf?" "How long have you been deaf?" "How did you become deaf?"

I've been deaf all my life, I was born deaf. The reason for my deafness is really unknown but if i had to guess i'd venture to think that it'd be some nerve problems or undeveloped ear crap.

"How did you learn sign language?" "How old were you when you learned sign language?"

I started going to a special day care for deaf and "hearing impaired" children where the staff taught me sign language. I don't remember how i learned but thats what i'm told by my mom. I was 18 months old when i started going to the day care.

"Did your family learn sign language?"

yes, my parents upon finding out that I was deaf enrolled in some sign language classes. I believe they were SEE(signing exact english). That was the basis of the signs that I knew as i grew up into a ugly teenager. Awkward signs as i signed every single word in the english dictionary except for the words that i didn't know and if i didn't know the word i'd just fingerspell it.

"Did you have to go to a special school?"

Yes up to the 6th grade I was placed in a school where it was a half hour to a hour's bus ride from my house depending on all the 'special needs' kids that were on the route. we'd go through so many towns that i wouldn't get home for so long and it was absolutely exhausting and i hated those bus rides. Coming home with my mom or dad was more exciting than a freaking bus ride. Anyway the school had classes for deaf students my age at the time. The teacher knew sign language and come to think of it, 4th grade or 5th grade was the time of one of the most awkward moments of my elementary school education when our teacher used her own experiences in teaching us sex education. and then in 6th grade i was moved to a hearing class full time after being mainstreamed in hearing classes for my reading and english classes. I was more advanced than most of my deaf peers so I was learning at a quicker rate and was able to get into hearing classes full time in 6th grade with peers that were my age. I always felt that i could've made it if i was one grade level higher in my hearing classes than what I was and still do to this day. so anyway in 7th grade i was moved to the school in my own school district so not only was i with hearing students my own age, I was with students that lived near me and was able to hang out with after school. I got to play football, basketball and track and field. It was at this point i really separated myself from the "deaf culture" that i was in during elementary school with my fellow deaf students at Paul C Bunn. So i was deaf in a hearing world from that point on.

"Did you have an interpreter in school?"

yes starting with my classes that I mainstreamed in during my elementary school years, i would have an interpreter accompany me to my classes with the hearing students. In 7th grade through 12th I had a full time interpreter for all of my classes. When I attended the University of findlay i would have about 3 or 4 different interpreters throughout my 4 years there but towards the end i had only one interpreter at the end of the fall semester of my senior year and then a different interpreter for all of the last semester of college. Here at East Tennessee State University, I have as many as two interpreters during my classes depending on how detailed the lectures go. If my class isn't a lab then i'll usually get two interpreters for a two hour class. Its pretty posh here haha its strange having an interpreter switch with each other during the middle of the lectures but i can understand that they get tired after prolonged periods of signing straight up.

Well I can't think of any more questions but i don't want this to be the end of question time! I want to answer as many as your questions as possible and yes they're flooding in ;) maybe. Surely this can't satisfy your curiousity about deafness and sign language. I'm really enjoying this opportunity to tell more about myself and the feedback I have recieved has been really positive so many thanks for all the support.

employment, finally....

I just wrapped up an interview with the owner of salsarita's on franklin
in johnson city. If you haven't heard of that or don't know where that
is, its a new restaurant that hasn't opened yet and they serve cuisine
similar to chipotle( for all my northern friends). I had a opportunity
to eat a burrito for the first time from there at their other location
near the mall and it was delicious, let me tell ya.

I guess having the experience I have from panera is finally kicking in
and I have orientation on saturday morning. I don't know what I'll be
doing just yet but it sounds like 25-30 hours a week and that's pretty
good so far and I guess that's good enough to get the rent paid
hopefully.

it makes me wonder how well I can work doing that "assembly line" at
Salasrita's because its exactly like chipotle or similar to subway in
how they have the options set up for what you want on your sandwich, so
hopefully I'll be able to work that assembly line without infuriating
any customers. that's the question I'll be stuck with until I start
working at salsaritas in a week or two.

Well that's my good news of the month, after reading several of your
comments and private messages, you seemed worried about my wellness but
I don't intend to indicate that I'm bitter about my life here because
that's not the case at all.

I'm happy..... for now ;)

while waiting for my class to start....

I came across this idea, I've met a lot of people that are geniunely interested about deafness and sign language. I'd like to start a little something on this blog which will be an Q & A situation. If you've got a question about deafness( i.e. were you born deaf?) or sign language (i.e. how do you sign "learn and teach" ) I'll be glad to put that question in my blog and answer it for all to see and know. please email me questions at lsrccrd@aol.com I'd be glad to answer as many of your questions as possible

Saturday, September 16, 2006

super bass headphones, empty sonic cups and a sleeping dog

Well I'm sitting here reminiscing on my night. Just got myself a strawberry limeade from sonic and listening to some music on iTunes through my headphones. I'm sitting next to the dog which is sleeping so that explains the title of my blog. It was a "OK" night for me. I got out of the apt for a while.

Being new in Johnson City isn't an easy process for me, especially as a deaf person. My motivation for coming to JC was to start over somewhere else since I wasn't making it back in Youngstown(the area where I'm from). I've been given a great opportunity to go back to school to earn my master's degree and I am not taking that for granted. But with all these opportunities come a price. There's more communication barriers that I need to over come. In Youngstown, I had 24 years of breaking communication barriers around my community and I still had to compromise most of what other hearing people take for granted. No matter how much pride I had in being able to "speak" and lipread in terms that I'm able to communicate as well as a regular hearing person in certain situations, I had to push that pride aside when a person didn't understand my voice and bring out a paper and pen which is my last resort of communicating. I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with communicating through pen and paper though, it's better than not being able to communicate at all so I'll take it.

tonight, I went out with my sister to some of her track friend's apt to watch a football game. There were a bunch of people from the track team that I wasn't familiar at all with and they had never met me before this semester. Its great to meet people that are genuinely interested in learning more about deafness and sign language as was the case tonight. I got to tell a little about myself with the help of my sister to this group. I am happy to educate anyone about deafness and sign language, people tend to think that they're being stupid by asking me these questions like "were you born deaf?" or "how much can you hear?" These kinds of things are things I'm glad to tell about. So we talked for a few minutes about sign language. I was asked if I could sign in Spanish, and I replied with a prompt "no." The conversation continued for a little while and then it changed to another subject so I quickly became a wallflower again. I'm not bitter about it, I'm just used to it. 24 years of being deaf in the hearing culture will do that to you. There are hundreds and hundreds, perhaps thousands of identical situations that I've experienced.

Standing back and letting the other people talk while you just sit patiently trying to keep yourself entertained isn't hard to do. Today I had the UT and Florida game to keep myself entertained while the conversation continued so I was fine with that. But in other situations where there's nothing else going on beyond the conversation I usually have to use my sidekick or laptop if I have it to keep myself busy. But then the game ended so it was time for me to go home. I had met a few new people that are pretty cool and as a result I'm going to church with some of them tomorrow morning.

My goal for tonight's blog was not to tell you about my night but to tell you what I experience socially and have always experienced socially when I go out with my hearing friends. Don't consider this as an injustice but consider it as part of my life that I've come to accept. I'm not the only one that goes through this, there are plenty of deaf people out there that experience this, they might be more outgoing so they probably get themselves involved more into the conversation or less outgoing and stay home and avoid the situation. Me? As I've told you I get involved when the conversation involves me.

In a perfect world, everyone would be able to understand each other and adapt to each other's differences. Sure it'd be nice if everyone knew sign language so that I would be more involved with the hearing culture and have it be less of a disadvantage for me. Jobs would be so much easier to come by for me. My struggles in finding employment in Johnson City will probably continue for a few more weeks accentuated by the fact that managers usually hate being in a situation where they have to deal with potential deaf employees no matter how talented they are. Stereotyping is limiting me professionally and that is a fact.

When I've come to the end of my life, one thing I'd like to accomplish by that time is changing that stereotype as much as possible so that everyone gets a chance no matter what their communication disadvantage is or their physical limitations. One thing is for sure, I'm trying my best here in Johnson City and I hope that I'll make a difference here before I leave this city.